11.28.2020 recap

tw: drug mention, family again lmao

maybe i should become a family therapist lmao. probably will become a social worker or something cause i would like to be paid for the emotional labor of whatever this is. spent basically the entirety of thursday high or asleep so that was a nice little mental reset i guess, gotta love deep frying my endowhatever glands with whatever questionably legalized substances i can get my hands on. but today. hmmhoohoohoho. if anyone knows how to make your mom like your sister in law, hmu and lmk what you did cause wow! my mom sure hates her and my brother's being all emo and depressed about it. it's like not my problem but also i like sleeping and getting sleep and not being kept awake by arguments that last till 3am or some shit. its kind of crazy how when i saw my aunt recently she was like yeah no your mom's always been the shouty type...like ok damn. anyways. im better now i guess. i'm fine. whatever happened in entry 7 was just. something idk. i mean like. i still dont...talk to people like i should. i dont reach out to the girls about my problem, i don't. reach out to my guy friends i'm keeping good tabs on myself. just me and this little internet space to think about my life. and also my therapy sessions. so yeah. i'm a-okay.

who am i kidding i have no chill whatsoever and i don't know how to fix that. feeling very worried about the long term effects of deepfrying my brain like that and very worried about my short term memory and very worried that i don't remember shit but also i mean it hasn't been a problem yet! sorta. idk. i'm always just taking way too much and like making myself paranoid in bed. i should go get a checkup but w corona...lol what are the chances. and i'm so fucking tired and empty and i have all these emotions to sort re: death and fathers and gender and everything but i have no one to talk to in my family and not even really in my friend groups and i keep thinking i need to be more interesting so people will like me and i need to be more skillful so i can get hired and acheive that middle class asian dream but also like wow the ethics of that???? and also the fact that i do not care to do things that i'm not immediately good at??? god. wow. im so stressed. im stressing myself out this sucks. kinda wanna hit the pen even tho i know that strain freaks me out so bad bc i'm pretty sure its either gone a lil bad or is synthetic shit bc i like artificial feeling juice i guess. i don't know i cant even focus lately but at least i'm making a cool ass wizard hat