03.11.2025 - letting the good things linger: playing mahjong with my loved ones
you have to be intentional with the good in your life.
this is my mom's extra large mahjong set. i was playing noobish hk mahjong all day at the community center, with my mom, with my bestie, and my partner. my life is so fucking awesome. i'm also funemployed again.
hi! it's been a while since my last personal update. it's been a really weird couple of months, but i'm happy to say i'm doing real good right now! after talking to my therapist today, it occured to me that i haven't taken the time to unpack all that's happened since i moved places in november. brief overview: moving out in november and getting my ikea shelving game on, getting really overwhelmed by life in december (and getting hit by an 18-wheeler), quitting my job in january when the LA fires hit, nonbinny matcha in february (and things looking up), and a chill vibey mental wellness march!
thank heavens for spring; for new growth and green trees and rainy days in. it goes a bit against the spirit of things to focus on the troubles i was having, but wow! i was really going through it! just, a lot of personal struggles bleeding into professional challenges. genuinely felt like nothing was going right and like i was failing everybody i knew. dramatic, i know, but there were just...a lot of *situations* brewing that were coming to breaking points... i was really having a crisis of identity and burn out carrying over from a previous job. also, still trying to sort out car repairs because an 18 wheeler collided into my car 5 days before christmas... i'm safe, the car could be in worse conditions, but yeah. just not a good time. that LA fire really felt like the world being reset, and then the fucking. inauguration and all the bullshit that's transpired since. sheesh.
if you're a person of color, if you're trans, if you're disabled, if you're a member of any of the many minoritized groups in the US that's being harmed by what's happening; it is so deeply important that you take the time to care for your wellbeing and to thrive. legitimately, i think that this country has dealt a lot of us bad fucking hands and now is the time to care for ourselves the best we can. whatever you can do, trust that it is enough. so in no particular order, here's the highlights from my life, from one guy online to my dear reader (that's you!). i hope you've been able to do well, and who knows, maybe reading this will convince you to get into mahjong. or to quit your job. LOL.
ok on why i quit
actually this one has to come first, because it is kind of the pillar everything else rests on. first, let me just say, i genuinely really loved the clients i worked with and i had some really sweet folks in management. when my life looks a little different, i'm actually considering applying to work with this nonprofit organization again - i left on really good terms! but i couldn't do the work anymore. i couldn't handle the weight of being responsible for so many people. i would like to be open about that, to move past the shame, and hopefully speak to anyone stuck in a situation where their mental health is being really impacted by being a caregiver/social support figure for their community. i'd like to say, it's okay to prioritize your mental health. there was a lot of scary things going on for me and loved ones even outside of the job, and it all made me reconsider the overall trajectory of my life. being a people pleaser for a lot of my life and having those tendencies was killing me! not even an exaggeration. the suicidality hit like a train that month. but it was such a relieving decision to take away one piece of the pain puzzle, and give myself more space to work on the other pieces. so i'm going to savor that bittersweet decision, because it was a good, healthy one.
little treasures
despite everything, i'm so glad i was born into this world, at this time. i get to spend so much awesome time with the gay little trans people that live in my phone and my neighborhood. painting vases in glendale with friend james, having my friends nyave and razz over at my new apartment, chatting in the wee hours with my roomies... around christmastime, my partner and i found a lost zara skirt in the mall parking lot. new with tags and everything, perfectly in between our sizes. around the same time, someone tossed out some new jeffrey campbell chunky mary jane heels on my street. pretty much my size too. i saw an orchid mantis in december too. if i figure out how to put small pictures into my entry, you'll see the photo i took of it on the side. i also found some AMAZING thrift finds with nyave and razz too. always nice to be lucky!
skill-building for pleasure
it's been fun making a new meal here and there, getting to practice cooking meals for myself. i'm lucky that one of my awesome roomies loves to cook and always lets me eat her extras, so i'm able to learn at my own pace! i'm not much of a chef, but i do okay. i'm styling new outfits for myself, and new makeup looks too. i read so much more nowadays (i currently have like 8 books checked out from the library haha), i draw more, i did a small animation project recently...i'm learning to clean up after my space better, i'm singing karaoke, i'm going for walks all the time. i'm even learning stenography, which i want to pursue schooling for! it feels like a more sustainable way forward, and i enjoy building a mechanical skill so badly. i'll probably make a resource page on it soon, so please look out for that! i touched my clarinet for the first time in forever, i took myself to the beach... i learned how to get my car maintenanced and met a really nice mechanic. love and peace on planet earth, this is what living is about. oh and of course, can't forget the mahjong.
PLAY MAHJONG IT'S GOOD FOR YOU
a community center near me started hosting mahjong mornings, a space for beginners and masters alike to come together and play! free of charge, with some snackies and water. i went with my partner, and it's been really fun! learning how to play from people who are prepared to teach it makes it so accessible. people are so nice there, i met some real awesome characters. really nice guy with a cool alt style taught us about the HK mahjong points system (which i'm still bad at haha); an older woman who was so sharp and skilled at the game (and also my mom apparently recognized her from the supermarket lol but on not the greatest terms); and family members of one of the organizers, a lovely woman from new york who sharpened her skills with the infamous jewish mahjong ladies on the east coast! i played so many rounds last saturday and it's just really awesome to learn something new and pick up strategies from the skilled. please play, it's good for you! it's good for your soul! winning is awesome!