misc thoughts and ramblings

9:29 am: here with a morning post for once! wowza! anyways emails are scary. i opened one that made my heart stop for a moment and then firefox (derogatory) wouldn't let me leave that page for a minute so i just had to be scared for a whole moment there. terrifying. work emails strike fear into my heart like NOTHING else.

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12:32am: family arguments more like amateur conversational analysis....someone transcript the bickering happening in my home bc i swear 2 god these bitches...

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8:49pm: it's been a while since i've done anything to my site, since uni is currently whooping my ass but i'm just here to say. if your class is assigning me multiple readings a week. and one of them is more than like. 20 pages long? i'm not reading it. literally if its one in multiple items. i'm not fuckign doing it. i don't care how theoretically relevant it is. do better.

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2:21pm: bureaucracy sucks soooo much. look, its not fucking fraud if me and my sibling are filing for unemployment and we live at the same address i don't know who they need to hire to fix this but if you live in CA and cant recognize that a lot of asian people share the first part of their names then you're an idiot. obviously not gonna put our actual legal names but like if my name is wen long li and my brother is wen fang li then those are separate people who even have different ssis so what the FUCK! it's not like im in dire straits financially rn but its still like a hit id rather not take thanks

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1:09am: i love solid snake...and i love...energy drinks...and i need. to fix my oddly regular sleep schedule bc it's forcing me to wake up too late...SSRIs got me fucked up!

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10:08pm: i can't live like this. jesus christ. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

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12:44am: IT RAINS AT FUCKING LAST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BLESS THE LA NINA WEATHER PATTERN! it is raining and thundering in the LA area and it is so fucking sexy. reminds me of when this rain hit freshman year in SB, and since the campus is much closer to the beach than where i am in LA, the storm was major. it was thundering like crazy and it was the most exciting weather pattern of my life besides that one rainbow that shall not be named.

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12:13am: fun fact you can edit html from your phone. also I am so stressed I want to puke. life is. life is hard I need to focus on myself I need to . i need to love myself and just focus but that's so hard.

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9:04pm: the world is a thrift store and my friends are just the cool sweaters i've picked. maybe the real cool thrifted fits were the friends we made along the way.

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10:33am: i wonder how we can reduce drug consumption in the US, specifically of cocaine and drugs related to the drug cartels not because i want increased criminalization but because it seems to contribute to the destabilization of central american nations and the severe inequality of punishment for poor people vs. the middle class consumers of this expensive party drug.

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1:05am: not for the first time in my life, i think i need therapy. however, for the first time in my admittedly short life, i am doing that. i am theraping. kind of sucks bc i was hoping it would fix emotions that aren't positive but i guess the point is to live w them even tho i feel severe heartburn every time i think about the cringe and embarrassing shit i did back in oh, a few months ago ahahahahahahhahaha oh god oh god. when will i learn to think before i talk :(

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3:35pm: sometimes you can be into someone right up until they open their mouth but also dont you hate it when your heart and your brain don't agree about a person and then your fuckin genitals think they have a say in all this. like stop i dont need to be confused about people im confused enough about myself lmao

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4:45am: look it might be because i'm pulling an essay allnighter, and im deranged but i want a relationship w the most wretchedly stupid start i am CRAVING frenemies to lovers so hard rn what if we both had weird fucked up egos over a shared similarity and had a fight and i pulled u by ur shirt..and then we kissed and also we were both themmies

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10:26pm: isn't it fucked up that blathers and celeste are siblings but one of them has a cute name (celeste) and the other one is basically sir talks-too-much...like. damn we know who the favorite owlchild was as a kid. i mean imagine your parents named you after the stars and your brother just gets told to shut the fuck up like damn ok.

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9:07pm: we're in the cyberpunk dystopia and this is how i know: the twitter algorithm gives me a better gauge of when my period's coming than my own senses